观音：孙悟空，你这个畜牲。你本来答应如来佛祖护送你师傅唐三藏去取西经，你居然跟牛魔王串通要吃你师傅。你知不知道你犯了弥天大罪？
Monkey King, you bastard. You've promised Buddha to help the
Longevity Monk to get scriptures in the west. But the King Bull and
you decided to eat your master. Do you know you've made a real big
mistake?
悟空：少罗嗦！你追了我三天三夜，因为你是女人我才不杀你，不要以为我怕了你了！
Bitch! You've followed me for 3 days. I didn't beat you up because
you're a woman. Don't think that I'm afraid of you.
唐僧：悟空，你怎么可以这样跟观音姐姐讲话呢？
Monkey King, be polite to Goddess!
悟空：哗！不要吵！
Shut up.
唐僧：你又在吓我！
You scare me again.
观音：你不是怕我又为什么要打伤紫霞仙子抢她的月光宝盒呢，你不就是想躲开我吗？
(缺字幕) and stole her Pandora's Box. You just wanna
escape.
悟空：既然躲不了那老孙就跟你绝一死战！(悟空将月光宝盒随手一抛，正好砸在唐僧头上。)
Now, I can't escape, I will fight with you.
唐僧：又干什么？(俩人正要动手，突然……)
What's up?
唐僧：哎哎哎！大家不要生气，生气会犯了嗔戒的！悟空你也太调皮啦，我跟你说过叫你不要乱扔东西，乱扔东西这么做…你看我还没说完你又把棍子给扔掉了！月光宝盒是宝物，你把他扔掉会污染环境。唉，要是砸到小朋友那怎么办？就算没有砸到小朋友砸到那些花花草草也是不对的呀！(悟空一把抓住唐僧手中的月光宝盒)
Don't be angry. You may violate the rule. Monkey King, you're so
naughty! I've told you not to throw things! This is wrong to throw
things. You've thrown away the stick. Pandora's Box is a treasure.
You'll pollute the environment. You'll hurt kids. If there are no
kids, it is bad to hurt plants.
唐僧：干什么？
What's up?
悟空：放手！
Let go!
唐僧：你想要啊？悟空，你要是想要的话你就说话嘛，你不说我怎么知道你想要呢，虽然你很有诚意地看着我，可是你还是要跟我说你想要的。你真的想要吗？那你就拿去吧！你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗？……
You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are
you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I'm
very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really
like? Really?
悟空：我Kao！(悟空一拳将唐僧打倒。)
Shit!
观音：啊？孙悟空……
Monkey King……
悟空：大家看到啦？这个家伙没事就长篇大论婆婆妈妈叽叽歪歪，就好象整天有一只苍蝇，嗡……对不起，不是一只，是一堆苍蝇围着你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飞到你的耳朵里面，救命，救命啊！(悟空倒地翻滚，异常痛苦。)
See, this guy keeps talking all the time, we don't know what he's
talking about. He's just like a fly hanging around. Sorry, not a
fly. It's a swarm of flies flying near your ears…… Flying into
your brain. Help. Help!
悟空：所以呢我就抓住苍蝇挤破它的肚皮把它的肠子扯出来再用它的肠子勒住他的脖子用力一拉，呵－－！整条舌头都伸出来啦！我再手起刀落哗－－！整个世界清净了。现在大家明白，为什么我要杀他！
So I catch that fly. Open its belly. Take out its intestine. Put
its intestine around its own neck. Then I pull the intestine
tightly. Everybody, the tongue comes out. I use a blade and cut!
Wow! All the people keep silent. Now you know why…… Why I need to
kill.
观音：哼！悟空，你诸多借口，你根本就不想去取西经！
Monkey King, you have so many excuses. You don't want to get
scriptures in the west.
悟空：说那么多干什么，打呀！我老孙有金刚不坏之身，十个观音我都不放在眼里。(俩人一番斗法，悟空被观音降服收入甘露瓶。)
Shut up please! Beat! I've got a super body. You can't hurt me. I
don't scare of any god.
观音：今天我要替天行道！
I'm gonna punish you.
唐僧：哎哎！徒弟有错做师傅的也有责任，求姐姐放他一条生路吧！
If a disciple has made a mistake, his master needs to take the
responsibility. Goddess, please pardon him!
观音：我不消灭他没法儿向玉皇大帝交代！
I have to do so, I need to report to Heaven Emperor.
唐僧：请姐姐跟玉皇大帝说一声，贫僧愿意一命赔一命！(合十坐地，将法杖向空中一抛)
Goddess, please tell Heaven Emperor, I can sacrifice my life for
him.
观音：Longevity Monk.
唐僧：喃呒阿弥陀佛！(法杖将唐僧砸死。)
Namonitabhaya……
Ⅲ
(半夜二当家用迷魂香使春三十娘现出蜘蛛原形，众人合力追捕蜘蛛，却错把双脚倒立用手走路的至尊宝当作蜘蛛精来用火烧，使至尊宝下身着火，幸亏二当家用力将火踩灭。)
至尊宝：是谁烧我？
Who burned me?
众人：(齐声)不是我！是他！(指二当家)
Not me! I have no idea.
至尊宝：我早就猜到是你！(走到二当家面前)我早就看穿了你的心肝脾肺肾，你想坐我的位子对不对？
I know it's you! I know what you're thinking! You wanna take
my place!
二当家：没有啊帮主！
No…… Master……
瞎子：帮主没有斗鸡眼啦！帮主，你的七伤拳全好啦！
Are Master's eyes OK now? Master, how about your
wounds?
至尊宝：对啊！为什么？我打！(一拳打在二当家身上)
I'm cured! Why?
瞎子：我明白啦，治七伤拳的方法就是以毒攻毒，伤上加伤！
You must hurt yourself in order to cure the
wounds.
至尊宝：有道理！有道理！
It's reasonable!……
瞎子：至于二当家呢，他是无心之失嘛！如果不是他踢你小弟弟这几脚你的伤也不会好得这么快呀！
You have to thank Asst. Master. If he didn't hit you at the
crotch, you won't be healed so fast.
至尊宝：你这么维护他莫非跟他有一腿？
Do you have an affair with him?
瞎子：(作亲密状)人家对你是一片痴心嘛！
I love you so much!
至尊宝：去你的！你发嗔啊？懒得理你！(一掌将瞎子推开)二当家的，我叫你去杀春三十娘你搞定了没有？
Go to hell! What are you doing! Stop it! I've told you to
kill Ma'am 30th. Have you done that?
二当家：春三十娘是个妖怪，蜘蛛精啊！
Ma'am 30th is a devil! Spider Woman!
至尊宝：老弟，象我这么有理性的人，我怎么可能会接受这种无稽的事情呢？杀了她！
I'm a rational man, I can't accept such ridiculous thing!
Kill her!
瞎子：啊？帮主你就这么去啊？你不怕他……
Master, aren't you scared?
至尊宝：怕什么？我的伤都全好啦，还怕砍不过她吗？
Of course not! I'm healed. I will defeat her!
二当家：好！有种！
Great! You have guts!
至尊宝：你说有种是吧？
You think so too.
二当家：就当我没说好了！
Master, forget I'd say that!
至尊宝：好啊，那你就随便拿个家伙到她屋里去乱砍，我在后面掩护你！
Fine. You just get into her room and finish her off. We'll
cover you up!
二当家：为什么每次都是我先？
You shouldn't cover me up from the back.
You said you would cover me up so stay closer.
(二当家半路逃脱，至尊宝只好一人摸进春三十娘房间。过了半晌众人见至尊宝安然无恙地走出来。)至尊宝：(朝房中恭敬地)这里虽说不上山明水秀，可是也别有一番风味，两位住在这里一定会爱上它，晚安！(带上房门，走下楼来)
It's not picturesque, but it is unique. You may love this
place, eventually. Good night!
众人：帮主，怎么样，是不是妖怪？
Master…… She is a devil!
至尊宝：是！而且非常的妖！弄得我的心扑通扑通地乱跳！
Yes! She is a real devil! My heart is
pounding!
(突然房门打开，一位妙龄少女冲了出来。)
少女：帮主请留步！(至尊宝立刻转身作风度翩翩状。)少女：师姐说帮主大仁大义乃侠中之侠，能交上帮主这样的朋友真是三生有幸，今天搁在你们兄弟头上的钱就当请大家买酒喝吧！
Master, stop it! You're a righteous man. It is my pleasure
to be your friend. The money put on your bros'heads is all given
to you to buy drinks.
至尊宝：嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻！多谢春三十娘一番美意！(少女嫣然一笑，转身入房。)
Thank you very much, Ma'am 30th.
二当家：帮主，品位太差了吧？
Master, she's not really good-looking.
至尊宝：各有所好嘛！(说罢也嫣然一笑，转身而去)
But I like her!
瞎子：哇－－！(大哭)
(原来那少女是春三十娘的师妹白骨精，名叫白晶晶，只因五百年前与孙悟空惹下一段情缘，此番怀着爱恨交织的心情来到五岳山等托世孙悟空与转世唐三藏相会。)(至尊宝对白晶晶一见钟情，好生打扮却没能引起晶晶姑娘的注意。)
至尊宝：这下没搞头啦，为什么晶晶姑娘对我这个造型完全没反应？没办法！
Shit! Jing Jing has no reaction to this image. No way this
time.
(至尊宝剃了胡须，穿上书生的服装，站在桥上等晶晶姑娘的出现。) 白晶晶：什么人？
Who?
至尊宝：长夜漫漫无心睡眠，我以为只有我睡不着觉，原来晶晶姑娘你也睡不着啊！
It's a long night, no mood to sleep. I thought I am the only
one. But Jing Jing, you're sleepless, too?
白晶晶：是啊！不知道帮主为什么睡不着？
Yes, why can't you sleep?
至尊宝：就是因为晶晶姑娘你啊。
Just because of Jing Jing!
白晶晶：我！？
Me?
我的博客[english.blog.duxie.net]
强烈推荐阅读经典幻想小说《见习魔法师》，第三部正在读写网热载。
